Out of the mouths of babes
Children say the "darndest things," as Art Linkletter used to say " especially when the children are adults. My friend's son, Seth, who is 28, said yesterday, "I'm tired of working. I've been working my whole life." Hell, he hasn't even had a life yet! Seth also told his mother that he's looking for a job that pays $100,000 a year although he has not developed any skills. He asked mom to "reach out" to her "rich friends" to help him get that high paying job.
I REALLY wanted tell Seth that, if his mother DID have any rich friends, she'll be reaching out all right " but to get her and I a free Mediterranean cruise on her buddy's yacht. I've know her longer than he's been alive, so first she helps me. Besides, his mother owes me. I've led her through more airports than I can count since her fear of flying "requires" her to drink four vodka tonics before she buckles her seat belt. Plus, after we disembark from the yacht in Monte Carlo, his mom and I will send the little brat a nice postcard.
I'd also tell Seth some wise advice that my grandmother used to tell me when I was whining. "Wish in one hand and poop in another, and see which gets filled up faster." And she did NOT use the word "poop." What a great broad that lady was " strapped herself in that tight corset every day until she died at 90. She stood on the porch " all 4 feet, 8 inches of her " waving and singing that song "Let it all hang out" as we drove away in the '57 Buick. I learned all I needed to know about being a Nana from that insightful role model.
Katie, an intelligent, adorable woman who I mentored at work for years, is like a daughter to me. Now in her late 30s, Katie was complaining the other day that the car DVD player was malfunctioning so the kids were pitching a fit. After I stopped laughing hysterically, I told her that she was definitely talking to the wrong person. When our Zach was born, children's car seats hadn't been invented. This is why our generation still smacks our hands against the passenger seat. It used to be the only way to prevent our toddlers from flying around the car when we were forced to brake unexpectedly!
Disposable diapers hadn't been invented yet. Before washing the cloth diapers, I boiled them in a lobster pot to make sure the bacteria died so Zach never got a rash. Now there was an enticing smell. Eau de poopoo.
Car DVD player? When my son and all his friends rode in our car, the only thing they watched was me turning purple while I yelled, "Don't make me pull over this car because I will!" (Actually, we told them to look for things along the way. I'd give them money if they saw the item " like a nickel for a purple car. I had to see it, too, because I didn't trust the little devils. It kept them busy and gave them a little spending money when we got to our destination.)
My 33yearold son moans, saying that saving money is impossible, but his family eats at restaurants alot. I told him that we couldn't afford McDonald's until he was 10. But he says, "You're having another flashback from all the drugs you took in college." Well, he may be right, but when we were young, we didn't expect our dreams to come true right away.
I'm still waiting for George Clooney to sweep me off my feet! But for now, I'm the one who is doing the sweeping and the biggest dust collector is my husband. I love him but he's so under the bus when George gets here. Now, she happily lives with her husband, Coop, in Naples where she makes a nuisance of herself by forcing people to look at pictures of her granddaughters, Sienna and Addison.